my own little shoe box...

::welcome back::

2007-06-30T17:01:00.000-07:00

I'd wanted to write, create my post, really, but for some reasons, i hadn't gotten the chance to do that. I kind of hybernated for a long period of time and had not updated my blog since time immemorial.

Possible reasons for this are as follows:

> a lot of things had happened in just a very short span of timeand i was overwhelmed by these events (especially the baby and the pregnancy thing).mymind just simply shut off, and i was suddenly in denial. i'll write aboutit one day...in time.

> i hadn't gotten much time since i was transferred overto sprint-nextel account due to my unpredictable ( i mean, very unpredictable schedule).

> i had chosen to go out w/ my friends, socialize, and spend time w/ my loved onesthat sit before the computer screen.

> whenever i had spare time i always made sure that i spend itw/ my sweet super kulit gurl or in my bed, curled up, dozing off.

> or maybe cuz i was jaz sooo0 tinatamad. Yun lang yun e. =)

i was born to love you

2007-06-16T17:10:00.000-07:00

I Was Born To Love You(Eric Carmen/Andy Goldmark)
I never really understood loveNo, not until I saw your faceThen I knew what I'd been missingFor all my life
I never let myself believe it
No, not till I looked into your eyes
Then I knew I found all I need
The moment that I found you
I was born to love you
Born to be right here by your side
Through all your darkest nights
I was born to love you
I'd do anything to make you mine
Until the end of time
There's no need to ever doubt it
You set my love free when you walked in the door
You changed everything
You're all that I'm living for
I was born to love you
Born to be right here by your side
Through all your darkest nights
I was born to love you
I'd do anything to make you mine
Until the end of time
You changed everything
You're all that I'm living for
I was born to love you
Born to be right here by your side
Through all your darkest nights
I was born to love you
I'd do anything to make you mine
Until the end of time
I was born to love you
Born to be right here by your side
Through all your darkest nights
I was born to love you
I'd do anything to make you mine
Until the end of time
I was born to love you

Good News, Bad News, Worse News

2007-04-30T11:49:00.000-07:00

GOOD NEWS:

“Thank you for calling Sprint together with Nextel, my name is Erin.

How can I help you?”

yipeeeeee! Training will be on Monday 11 p.m. – 8 a.m.

Manila Time. =)

better yet…

“Thank you for calling Sprint together with Bayantel…” wahaha! Wattafuck! I’m gonna blow out of here, anyway. Soon.

BAD NEWS:

Badtrip! We just had a day hike ( Mt. Kataybang, Bataan, May 25,2006) but we weren’t able to get to the summit. We got fuckin’ lost and spent half of the day trying to find the trail. We even tried river trekking with all the boulders that we needed to surmount just to find out, it was not the right way. It just brought us to nowhere and we had to go back. Aaaargh! After the

“brainstorming” and POP session, we finally agreed to get a guide and so, at around 2 p.m., we were already at the rest house to take our lunch. Everybody was starving. Ascend would take us another couple of hours to reach the peak, hence, we came to a decision not to take the risk of being left behind by the 6 p.m. trip (last trip) going to Balanga. But then, these things are bound to crop up in every climb anyway. In this situation, making decisions head-on will definitely save our ass from further trouble.

After the pre-climb for Mt. Ugu, we headed off to the jump off point, washed up, and went home. No, they went home, while I, so fuckin’ tired and wasted, headed off to the office. That was suicide!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

WORSE NEWS

I’m gaining weight! Shit! And I’m starting to get bent out of shape. from 47 lbs., I am a screaming 52 lbs. now. OMG! My eating habit is goin’ out of control, I guess. Or perhaps, this gain weight crisis may also be attributed to my lifestyle ( booze, smoke, less workout, etc.). although, I’m into climbing and things like that, I still get this “baby fats”, probably because I feel the need to munch carbo stuffs more today than before to be able to have enough energy for all these activities especially everytime I go out for a climb, thus, fat gain. I miscalculated the calories that I was taking. Calories intake should be directly proportional to the the calories you’re going to burn. Or If youre planning to trim down a little, calories intake must be a little less than the calories you intend to burn. Add it to the fact that I haven’t had much time to workout these past few weeks, do stomach crunches and cardio exercises due to my airtight schedule. Everything is going berserk! Oh my! I need to hit the gym again and go on a diet.

still...

2007-04-30T11:32:00.000-07:00

it never goes away...it never dies.
it's still here.
a familiar feeling...
it's when you're with somebody
and you're thinking of someone from the past.
it's when you're calling him
with that someone's name...
it's when you wish it never happened
because it will just go on...
and you just know that it will never go away..
that it will never die.

and you will always remember...
will never forget.

don't follow the light!

2007-04-23T15:01:00.000-07:00

zzzzzzzzzzz....ngork!
outcast
sleepy
hungry
sleepy
upset
sleepy
fuckin' sleepy
damn sleepy
longing
longing
longing....
ei! ei! ei! don't fuckin' follow the light!
I'm losin' mahself...whooo! whooo! whooo!
Not now..not now...baby.
i love you..
i love you..
don't let me drift away.

From Vonage to Sprint

2007-04-20T18:53:00.000-07:00

I have seen this coming. Huddled inside the conference room, 100+ agents of Welcome Vonage were clueless. Then, OM Eric dropped the bomb and told us straight to our face that 24 agents were randomly chosen, and will be transferred to Sprint effective April 24. They will be attending the cross-training on Tuesday. Unfortunately, most of my buddies were chosen including Kim. For some reasons, my name was not called by our OM. I felt bad. I have actually foreseen this. My teammates told me that it’s a good thing that I was not in the list, thus, less pressure. Calling for Sprint will definitely mean goodbye to petiks mode, surfing, eating on the floor, friendster, etc.

Aargh! But what the heck?! As long as I’m with the people that I’ve been with since the boom of Vonage, I’ll be just fine. =)

getting ready for the Mt. Ugu climb

2007-04-20T18:49:00.000-07:00

Oh yeah! So excited and everything! This is gonna be my first major climb since time immemorial. Comes second week of May (May 10-13), we’ll be off to Mt. Ugu. Ascend will take us 2 days to reach the summit.

Mt. Ugo is basically one of the major peaks in the mountainous region of Benguet and Nueva Vizcaya provinces with an elevation of 2,165 meters above sea level. The name “Ugo” was derived from the Ibaloi word “Ugoan” which means “to cut the neck”. During the early times, encounter between hunters usually result in cutting the neck of their defeated opponents. Also during the Spanish times, Spaniards who tried to colonize the inhabitants were killed in the same manner in this mountain in order to protect their lands. Mt. Ugo is also known as the “plane grabber” because of the numbers of plane crash incidents that crashes on the said mountain. In the early 1960’s a UC45 CAB from Cubi Airport crashed at the slope of Mt. Ugo in Kalaudan. In June 26,1987, a Philippine Airline (PAL) plane from Manila bound to Loakan Airport crashed on the southern portion of Mt. Ugo, about 1Km down from the peak. Mountaineers who climbed Mt. Ugu brought back stories of ghostly experience attributed to the victims of the PAL crash site.*

But before I get so excited, I got to prepare myself physically which means I will have to undergo endurance training (running and stairs). Cuz you know, the said training is a necessity for every major climb. Unless you’re goin’ to bring along some sort of special team and have them carry you in a stretcher or something all the way up to the summit. Otherwise, you have to be VERY physically fit.

It had been almost 7 years since my last climb with my batchmates in Bulacan Mountaineering Club (BMC). I had been too occupied w/ other things like work, social life (night life), and relationship kyeme with these assholes and manwhores. Add these to the fact that i met an accident (vehicular) 3 years ago and i had to undergo physical therapy ‘cuz my left leg was kind of broken. I thought I would never do the things that i loved and used to do (dancing and climbing) again, ever. Now, I’m in a state of bliss ‘cuz I’m back to dancing and I’m proud to say that i can dance better than before. It’s a good thing my self-esteem and determination were not ruined though I felt like things would never be the same again. For almost 3 months, I was hitting the gym, attending dance classes, and doing other outdoor activities. I was working my ass out to overcome all my insecurities and uncertainties. My leg now is, somehow, performing better. I’m reunited with my fellow mountaineers and recently had a get together. Most of them, I hadn’t seen for a quite a long time. I feel elated. The feeling is simply beyond description. As a matter of fact, I was able to tug along with them last minor climb—Mt. Manalmon (April 14-15).

It feels damn good to be back on my feet!

*excerpt from The Official Website Province of Benguet

conquering mt. manalmon

2007-04-19T00:46:00.000-07:00

life is..... too good.

sunset as seen from the peak of Mt. Manalmon

Whaaapaaaak!!!

2007-04-11T20:02:00.000-07:00

One day i woke up with a big lump in my head. Swollen and painful. Damn!
I remembered, my head banged into something. Hehehe! I'm writing in metaphors again.
Syet! Sa wakas natauhan din! All it took was a simple phone call. I couldn't believe it.
And so it ended. Twas a pretty hard decision but i got to do it.
Life is too good and I'm not gonna spend it and waste my time dwelling on
my miseries and let myself miss those little but important extras in life. I admit, I'm in a melancholic state of mind right now. And there will always be a sudden unmistakable sadness in my eyes.
But exactly like a swollen lump in your head, it will heal soon and the pain will subside.
Friends surround me like bees--always ready to help me get my life back on track.
Family and of course,my little girl who never ceases to amaze me everyday.
It was all good, though. All good. Unfortunately. it didn't last. But who knows?
I'm not closing the door...Not yet.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

We had some sort of "team building" last Monday --- swimming with few of my friends.
The excitement was it wasn't planned but it went just great. Syempre, drunk and wasted.
Sooooooooo fuckin' drunk that I threw up. Waaaaa! Damn that tequilla!
It was the first page of the new chapter in my life.Naakz!
Let it burn, baby.I got to let it burn.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Mt. Malid climb this weekend with Bulacan Mountaineers. DRT. Fuck! I don't have my stuffs yet.
This week is gonna be a VERY busy week! =I

Balik sa pamumundok.

me and ma bad boy....

2007-04-06T17:22:00.000-07:00

Maundy Thursday Aftermath

2007-04-06T16:52:00.000-07:00

I'd been dying to know the upshot of the other day's skirmish, and I wanted so damn hard to talk to Paolo about that. Aside from the fact that I've been missing him so much, and I've been wanting to hear his sweet boyish voice. But of course, I held back. Presupposing that he didn't want to talk to me and that she's back in his life again (wahaha! Here I go again! Rule # 1. Never assume!). So I spent the rest of the day (Thursday) curled up in bed with my cp turned off. I was thinking what was going on up there.

Unfortunately, due to intense yearning to speak with him, I dialed his number and courageously said my usual girlish "hi"...and the rest is history...my assumption was wrong then..... =)

Actually, I'm thinking if I really do have a reason to be happy. I don't know. I really don't know. Whatever the truth is, only God knows. I'm feeling better now, admittedly. Feeling good, in fact. (What's this song again? "sa kanya pa rin babalik sigaw ng damdamin..sa kanya pa rin sasaya, bulong ng puso ko...Eeewww!!! This is too much! ) I'm scheduled to go to Baguio today but Paolo insisted that I have to postpone it cuz his relatives are all stayin' in their house to spend the weekend. I'll be off to Baguio tentatively next week. I still got some other important things to deal with anyway.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Easter egg hunting here in the office. Then we'll have ice cream later (weeeeeeeeee!). It's confirmed -- NO MORE COMPLAN. Third Party Verifier for Welcome. Sales is suspended. They are presently going through training for Vonage Welcome. And what's next? We'll undergo cross-training for Sprint together with Nextel? We're doomed! Aaargh! =O

Happy Black Saturday! =P

On Love,Hatred, and Reflection

2007-04-06T16:28:00.000-07:00

Good Friday. April 6, 2007

A short synopsis of what had transpired yesterday (Maundy
Thursday)...

A li'l girl ( I won't definitely call her a lady cuz an educated, dignified lady acts way differently from a screaming "li'l girl" whose maturity level seems to be below sea level ) was having tantrums or something and was cryin' her heart out over a piece of candy that, she thought, i stole from her. I'm actually talking/writing (watteva'!) in metaphors. The real scenario went something like this... I was flabbergasted when i read this sick message (in my friendster) full of loathing and antipathy from a disturbed woman. I was not taken by surprise though. Her reaction was somehow not shocking at all... Had she not went overboard, I wouldn't stoop down to her level and make patol.

What was more appalling was her next move -- a total pathetic display of hopelessness (I choose not to discuss it in details cuz it's kinda personal). And gheez, she had the guts to call me a psycho and pathetic when she could actually pass for a certified Paranoid Schizophrenic.
What a loser she had become! The truth is, I anticipated this scenario. I already knew for sure that she would be down on her knees, beg, and do anything and everything jaz to win him back.
Until now, I haven't had any idea of what have been the outcome of that incident.
I'm afraid to know, I guess.
-------------------------------------------
A friend of mine says that this is the right time to think things over. He's right about that. Magreflect ba. A while ago, I was having some chat with our team manager when a cute display on top of her computer caught my attention. On it is a simple statement. Live,Love,Laugh. I assumed it simply wanted to send me messages. Live one day at a time. Never be afraid to love. And Laugh. Laugh. Laugh even if you're hurting so bad. Nyahaha. Cheezy but true enough!
------------------------------------------
Fyi, today is Good Friday. But Jesus is NOT dead (blame that to our culture). Everyone has the right to do whatever they wanna do.
And everyone is entitled to their own belief and opinion. It's as simple as that! =)

Happy friday santo!

question and answer portion

2007-03-31T17:53:00.000-07:00

Here goes the tag thing (aargh!)...Am I supposed to say who tagged me?

1. Your lunch today
- Huh? Ummm technically, a call center agent's lunch is around 3 a.m. depending on what time he goes to work (shift). It's past 9 in the morning now so, my lunch was breaded porkchop; chicken something (can't remember what it was); a side dish of ginisang sayote; soup and half a cup of rice (i intend to cut my carbo intake for the rest of my life), and a glass of orange-mango juice.

2. Last movie that you have seen?
- Pursuit of Happyness. I watched it with my girlfriend after a night's work. A should-see-movie. Super loaded with drama and it will definitely bring tears to your eyes. Believe me!

3. Song you never got tired of listening
- A lot! To single out one, Fall For You by Shanice. Can't help but fall in love everytime i listen to this song (sob).

4. TV show you are watching right now
- Nothing in particular.

5. Missing someone, a boy, perhaps?
- Ahuh. Missing so much, actually.

6. Movie you want to see this month
- Honestly, I don't feel like watching movies these past few days. Not that I'm no longer interested but it's just that i've been going through a very stressful phase since last month and all i've wanted to do is get some sleep and daydream.
Perhaps, if ever i'll have a spare time, the movie will be High School Musical or any dance movie i got right now (DVD).

7. Last song you heard/watched on MTV
- Wind It Up by Gwen Stefani. I love the beat of the song.

8. You want to eat
- chocolates. chocolates. chocolates.

9. Ever cried because of a boy
- Many times.

10. First movie you’ve ever seen in a movie theater
- I can't remember.

11. First blog you’ve visited today [excluding yours]
- Nada.

12. Do you want guys to be the ones who’ll make the first move?
- Not really. If you got the guts to make the first move then by all means do it. I do the seduction thing. Eye conctact, gestures, and everything.

13. Ever had a crush on someone of the same gender?
- Yep. Just a crush though.

14. The last person you’ve ever taken a photo of
- Kim and her hair getting static reaction from her swivel chair.

15. Did somebody ever say you were good at cooking?
- Yes. I spent a week of vacation in Baguio and stayed in my boyfriend's place, cooked a couple of viand for him and his family. Ginising monggo (w/o the sabaw coz he preferred it that way) and adobong chicharong baboy. By the way, the last time i stayed there (just this second week of March), i cooked adobong chicken and solicited quite a few compliments from him. Twas the best, at least, according to him. Hehehe. =)

Sa Wakas!!!

2007-03-05T12:37:00.000-08:00

sa wakas, naretrieve ko rin ang letseng password na yan!!! hahaha! i'm back!!! wattafuck?!

Ikaw Tuwing Alas Sais ng Umaga: Mga Walang Kwentang Bagay na Naiisip Ko Bago Ako Umuwi

2006-11-05T07:49:00.000-08:00

wag mo akong tingnan
na parang nanabik ka
kahit hindi na...
dahil
hindi ko kayang
salubungin ng tingin
ang mga mata mong
pinamamahayan ng mga
salitang pinangarap
kong marinig sayo...
sinabi ko na'ng lahat
siguro maliban sa
kagustuhan kong
ulit ulitin sa'yo ang mga
katagang...
pinananabikan kita araw araw
at
nahihirapan ako...

kung "nabubuhay" ka pa sana,
e di sana masaya.

Longing

2006-10-09T03:15:00.000-07:00

I miss you, baby...Comfort me.
Soothe my pain.
Fill me up with your love and affection
once again...

It's 3 o'clock in the morning.

I was suddenly awakened by a cold morning breeze. It rustled out of the darkness and gently touched my skin. Just the way you used to do. As I sat here, waiting for the dawn to approach me, my sleep-deprived and lonely soul is wandering somewhere...perhaps, trying to find a piece of fortitude. I'm thinking of you, baby, as I write this post. As a matter of fact, I am ALWAYS thinking of you...always longing for the comfort warmth of your sweet embrace...your physical nearness. A day won't pass without an intense yearning to be with you.Just be with you and nothing else. Your face seems to be permanently emblazoned into my mind -- the sweetest smile that never ceased to brighten up my gloomy day, those radiant eyes that used to gaze at me with utmost passion and desire. It made me want and love you more. And I long to see my reflection in those eyes again. I was spell-bound. I still am.

And then it was gone. Had vanished into thin air. Very suddenly. I have kept my silence and have been trying so very hard to keep my distance. The pain inside me that have been silent for a long period of time seems to grow each passing day. I'm trying to show my strength but the pain is tearing me apart. Memories come flashing back like falling stars. They twinkle and burst in space. And I feel my eyes well up with tears over and over again. This infinite sadness is creeping into my flesh. It never seems to end. You could have known me, if you had only taken the time. I could have shown you things that you've longed to see. I could have given you so much. We could have crossed the boundary of possibility and impossibility together...And yes, you could have even loved me if you had only taken the time.

Now, everything is nothing more than a transparent attempt to fill an empty space for you and I are just memories--the pleasure of our companionship, the rewarding intimacy of the joys we shared. My eyes may be as cold as a freezing water in a winter evening evrytime you look at them, but the love is always there. You may no longer see it, but it's just there. In the oasis of my memory, you will dwell.

In time, I will be healed. My dream of togetherness and happy ending may have drifted away. But it will never be forgotten. And somewhere, in another time, our paths will cross again...I just know.

Then the first hint of dawn began to appear
and the light kept urging me to wake up...
It was time to prepare...
It was time to let go...

Sept 30 post

2006-09-29T16:30:00.000-07:00

...how ironic! soooo fuckin' ironic! *lol*

*lol(laughing out loud)

another day

2006-09-20T23:51:00.000-07:00

someone remarked
that you had only
brought me pain...
i quickly corrected them
that you had only
brought me joy...
and it was
the loss of this joy
that i interpreted
it as pain...
so much pain that it becomes almost...
unbearable.

Inner Wound

2006-09-18T19:39:00.000-07:00

Pain. Embracing it until it becomes part of me...until it leaves me numb and...scarred.
Love. Intensified by the longing that I have kept...It will go on...indefinitely.

2006-09-16T19:27:00.000-07:00

Journalists missing in Philippines

Leader Galib Andang, left, and members of the Abu Sayyaf rebel group. The group is responsible for hostage crises in the Philippines

Search on in area where Muslim rebels hold 21 hostages
May 13, 2000Web posted at: 12:45 p.m. EDT (1645 GMT)
In this story: Three newsmen return No release of sick hostages Government troops track rebels RELATED STORIES, SITES
JOLO, Philippines -- Nine journalists, most of them from French television, were reported missing on Saturday from the same region where Philippine Muslim rebels are holding 21 people hostage.

RESOURCES
TIME: Trouble in Paradise Asiaweek: A Religious War Comes to Paradise Asiaweek: Abu Sayyaf's short but violent history
As the search for the journalists got under way, rebels demanded that government troops be pulled out of the area before any negotiations for the release of hostages could begin.
In addition to demanding that the Philippine military be kept out, Abu Sayyaf rebels said they would speak only with four specific negotiators.
They named: Libyan envoy Rajab Azzarouq, who previously has been in discussions with the rebels; Philippine government negotiator and Islamic scholar Ustadz Ghazali; an unnamed Muslim cleric, and an unnamed former Muslim rebel.
They said they would be willing to begin a two- to three-day negotiating session and present detailed demands if these preliminary conditions are met.
Three newsmen return
A dozen journalists were initially feared missing from the jungle-covered hills where Abu Sayyaf is holding the hostages.
But three newsmen returned to the town of Jolo on Saturday evening, saying they had gone out for a drive. They did not know where the other nine were.
Two vans used by the journalists were recovered in the early evening, but with no sign of either the drivers or journalists, police said.
"There are three accounted for. There are nine still missing," said Sulu provincial Police Chief Candido Casimiro, who added the police had been alerted to search for them.
Casimiro said the journalists ignored instructions from the police that they should not leave Jolo.
The missing journalists include workers from French television channels TF1 and France 2; one employee of Agence France-Presse and a Filipino, Frederick Alvarez.
No release of sick hostages

The disappearance of the journalists coincided with the failure of a four-man team to negotiate the release of two ailing European hostages being held by the fundamentalist Abu Sayyaf rebels.
Early optimism that the rebels would release a 57-year-old German woman reported to be critically ill and a French man were destroyed when the rebels instead discussed procedural arrangements for formal negotiations.
Negotiator Robert Aventajado said the condition of the German woman, Renate Wallert, has improved and her high blood pressure has stabilized.
The group has been holding 21 hostages, the majority of them non-Filipinos, for three weeks. It has also held at least eight Filipinos, mostly schoolchildren, hostage for two months on Basilan Island, near Jolo.
Officials said the only encouraging development was that the Abu Sayyaf rebels had for the first time said they would issue a formal list of demands once negotiations begin.
The government has already rejected their informal demands for regional independence and the establishment of Islamic law.
The hostages --- three Germans, two French citizens, two South Africans. two Finns, a Lebanese, nine Malaysians and two Filipinos -- were kidnapped on April 23 from Malaysia's Sipadan Island and taken to Jolo, an island at the tip of the southern Philippines about one hour away.
Government troops track rebels
Four hundred kilometers away to the north, another hostage situation emerged with reports that about 1,000 separatist rebels took at least 40 villagers hostage.
The Moro Islamic Liberation Front guerillas arrived at Pamantigan village in Esperanza town in the Sultan Kudarat province of the Philippines.
They woke the villagers with gunfire at about 4 a.m. and demanded food before escaping , taking hostages as they ran from government troops.
The government troops clashed with the rebels seven hours later and at least two helicopters fired at the retreating guerrillas, Army Capt. Noel Detoyato, a spokesman for the 6th Infantry Division, said.
Nearby villages were evacuated as residents fled the crossfire.
The Moro group is fighting for an independent Islamic state in the southern Philippines. It was the first time that Moro rebels have been reported in the province, although clashes were reported from north of the province when Moro guerrillas briefly occupied the town of Kauswagan in Lanao del Norte province.

*** me and my life as a reckless vagabond - rikki
author's note:
Frederick Alvarez also known as Rikki is now working as an OUTBOUND SALES AGENT for RMH Teleservices Asia-Pacific (Account: VONAGE). Pity him.May his reckless soul rest in his station. Just kidding! He's a good friend.

Senti 101 (Mga Walang Kwentang Bagay na Naiisip Ko Bago Ako Matulog)

2006-09-12T05:16:00.000-07:00

Darating ang panahon na hahanapin pa rin kita...na gugustuhin ko pa ring makita ka, makasama, maramdaman. Mangangarap pa rin akong maging bahagi ng buhay mo, sa pinakamainam na paraan at saglit...

Still Frames

2006-09-09T19:56:00.003-07:00

I woke up in the morning
to the silent sounds of raindrops
caressing the window
I pulled the curtain to greet the morning
But a mist covered the window
Without thinking I took my finger
And wrote your name in the moisture.

Now, it was time to prepare
To face another day
For some reason
Just before living
I returned to the bedroom
To look once more at your name
But it, too --
was gone.

It was almost midnight and I still had to go to work in an hour. I wanted to watch a show on TV, a show that he couldn't possibly care about. I convinced him to sleep on the couch, while I watched, assuring him that I'd wake him up when it's time for me to leave. I ended up watching him sleep, instead.

I do not know how long I had been staring at him before I realized that I was. He looked so at peace and yet so vulnerable. For once I could look at him for so long without him asking me what the matter was. I could just sit there, look at him and try to figure out why I was never happy when I was with anybody else. I never realized until then how much I missed him.

I wanted to wake him up so that I could look into his eyes again. I wanted to make him pout and see him smile afterwards. I wanted to hear his laughter, his low soft voice that lately seemed to be as beautiful as a song. I wanted to tell him how badly I missed him since the last time we kissed, and how happy I was that I was able to spend the weekend with him eventhough I know, things would never be the same again after that. I wanted to tell him how I REALLY felt for him, how I had wished to be a part of his life, of his dreams. And for once in my life, I looked into the future with more enthusiasm eventhough for him, there could never be any future for the two of us.

But of course, I didn't. I just sat there, holding him and watching him sleep for hours. I couldn't have possibly spoiled such a magnificent moment. It was so perfect. At that time, nobody could have convinced me there was something or somebody more precious than him (other than my little girl of course) . I would always remember the look on his face when our eyes first met, the burning passion in his eyes when we spent our first weekend together. That one rainy afternoon. I could never forget the smile that could promise you millions of beautiful things. But as quickly as it had come, it was gone...

It is quite ironic that I would remember him so well in a state of slumber for he had so much passion for life. He could tell you jokes and bloopers and make you laugh. He would get excited about something very trivial. He would say ordinary words and phrases in an accentuated way, and you would be saying it was the way he was. He would be enraged if you leave food on your plate and would always say his familiar line-- "Maraming tao ang nagugutom..." He was always aware of his rights and would fight for it if circumstances arise. And just when you thought he'd done it all, he would show you his 7-alibata character tattoo on his back (which the meaning, he had never disclosed).

That night was not the last time I saw him, but it might as well been. Much I try to convinced myself that everything would be fine, I know that it would take time for me to pick up the pieces again once the moment is over. I was always reminded of this everytime I was out doing something with him, everytime I put my arms around him, everytime I kissed him goodbye. I tried to act the same way, the only way he knows me to act around him. I could crack jokes and make him laugh. I could tease him and you would see the naughty smile on his face. I could tell him one of my anecdotes, and he would wonder what that was all about. I could try to put a smiling face whenever I looked at him, making as if it didn't kill me to know, his heart belongs to someone else.

Kung Ibig Mo Akong Makilala

2006-09-05T12:18:00.000-07:00

It was my second year in the university when I was first bewitched by the enchanting voice of Susan Fernandez-Magno. Since then, until this day, I have been trying so hard to emulate the style, the voice, the melody,but alas, i have not succeeded as of yet.Well, at least, somebody would utter words like "Syet! Sinong diwata ang kumakanta?!" once he hears me hum the soulful melody.

Then, I had the privelege to listen to the song again when I dropped to Tops' place, a dear friend of mine, to snatch some DVDs (which I have not returned until today). For an instant, I felt the familiar collision ot frustration, serenity, happiness, and grief when I first listened to her music emanating from an almost busted casette player way back in college. Without any hesitation, Tops started to strum some tunes from his guitar while I sung a few lines. Indeed, I need more diagphram vocalization. But I'm there, almost.

***Every word of the song enfolds mystery and enigma which I find quite impossible to unravel or decipher if you're a typical person who's not into metaphors and stuffs like that. But if you would only have the chance to hear the music, it would be quite impossible, as well, not to appreciate it.

Kudos to Susan Fernandez-Magno!

Kung Ibig mo Akong Makilala
Susan Fernandez-Magno

Kung ibig mo akong makilala
Lampasan mo ang guhit ng mahugis na balat
Ang titik ko, ang dagat yapos kang mahigpit
Sabawat bawat saglit.

Kung ibig mo akong makilala
Sunduin mo ako sa himlayang dilim
Sa madlang pagsukol ng inunamng hilahil
Ibangon ako at saka palayain.

Kung ibig mo akong kilalalnin
Sisirin mo ako hanggang buto
Liparin mo ako hanggang utak
Umilanglang ka hanggang kaluluwa
Hubad ako ruon mula ulo hanggang paa.

Isang pag-ibig na lipos ng lingap
Tahanang malaya sa pangamba at sumbat
May___ at ang tuwa at luwalhati
Iaalay mong lahat ito sa akin…

Kung ibig mo(3x) akong makilala.

Immortal Poems of Maria Jose Ybbieta

2006-09-02T18:58:00.000-07:00

...kung ihahalintulad ko ang mga tula mo sa paglubog ng mapulang araw, iisipin kong isa ka ngang imortal... --isabella gabriel vizon

Parasal
Maria Jose Ybbietta

Alam mo...
Kung may pluma lang ako,
ay naililok ko na ang
talasalitaang nag-uugnay sa ating
dalawa
mga pangungusap...
mga pariralang
malihim mang sumilong
sa lilim ng talinhaga ay kagyat
nating naiintindihan ang
kahulugan...
ang ipinadarama.

Kung may pluma lang ako
naiguhit ko na sana sa mga
saknong
ng pinakamalalayang tula
ang mga eksenang kasama ka...
tungkol sa iyong ngiting
nagpakilala sa aking ikaw pala'y
masayahin...malalim...
marahas.

Sana'y nakahabi na ako ng
kalatas na yari sa dahon ng mirasol.

Mga liham na ating
tulay para sa patuloy nating
komunikasyon at
pagmamahalan sa kabila ng
milya-milya nating pagitan sa isa't isa.

Subalit ang katotohana'y
wala akong pluma.
Sinadya kong iwala ito matapos
mong sabihing
hindi mo na ako mahal.